recovering

   I crawled back in bed this morning and slept so deeply, I felt drugged when I awoke and fell asleep again with my head leaning on the edge of the schoolroom chair. It happens frequently these days and I dread the way it leaves me feeling.  I miss my quiet mornings.  I have been like this a couple weeks, especially after the final push to finish the drama. Staring listlessly at piles of work waiting. Not even sewing and barely making supper.  Yep, Fatigue. Fatigue--my wicked old nemesis--has arrived.
     I no longer bow and quake at his control. Yet, it's as if I'm playing a dangerous game pretending that he doesn't exist, that I don't know that he is hovering on the edge of my life waiting for me to do something crazy--like direct a play with 21 teens. How far can I stretch? A few steps out of my ordinary routine, and there he comes, demanding me to pay up and charging interest!  Oh, I like to pretend that I can outwit him. But afterward I'm always shocked at his price.
     This bout seemed worse. Almost like the kind of fatigue with a diagnosis attached; two sets of words that I like to forget.  Hero muttered things like worried and blood work. I assured him I just needed to finish the drama and I would get better. But those last few weeks I thought, I really thought, I wasn't going to make it. Then a sweet friend, after listening to my complaints on the phone, asked permission to call some home school moms and ask them to pray for me. That very afternoon I felt as if a heaviness lifted. The oppressive weight of Fatigue's attack became tolerable weariness. What an incredible blessing!  When the curtains closed and the stage was empty, I sat down and bawled. Tired yes, very very tired. But it was worth it.
     So, for now I let myself sleep, and read books, and poke about redding up. Planting pansies is nice and sitting on the swing and patting the dog. Time is my friend and won't let Fatigue visit much longer.  And in the meantime, the sun is shining and new ideas are stirring. Careful girl! Don't start the game all over again!
     til later,  Zinnia Girl!